my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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