evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
