yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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