Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
being pregnant is like rehab
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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