My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
