I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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