Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
