How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
