I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
