you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
