i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
