I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
