every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
