She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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