best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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