I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
