Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
