whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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