Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
