What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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