I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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