How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
