btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
