He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
