What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
