Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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