i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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