I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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