So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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