My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
