Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
