Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
