he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
