There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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