I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
