i'm signing you up for texting rehab
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
