i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
