Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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