hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
