So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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