Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Green mimosas i think yes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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