Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
