it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
