if i can run in heels then i can drive
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
