I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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