you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
