carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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