So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nutella sex= disaster
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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