i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
