About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
